Ubuntu and Just Love

May Day and Building a Better World

I’m writing from Nebraska—where I was born—on May Day, as we commemorate International Workers Day. Thinking about my parents, and what they taught me about love, I spoke today at an interfaith breakfast on Ubuntu and Just Love . In my introduction, I said, “We are in a perilous time, one in which the answer to the question, ‘Who are we to be?’ will have implications for generations to come. As we answer that question, we do so untethered from our innate spiritual resources and our best

collective self. There is a perfect storm brewing that amplifies the power of divergent ideologies and leads to simplistic and often violent us-vs-them thinking. The best path out of the messiness in which we find ourselves is to embrace the inextricable bond between all of humanity and work for the common good.”

This web of mutuality is what the Zulu people call Ubuntu, a Xhosa word originating from a South African philosophy—Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu, which means, a person is a person through other persons. I am who I am because we are who we are. This inextricable connection is fierce love, a heart-transforming love that breaks through tribalism to help humans understand that the liberation, livelihood and thriving of people and planet are tied-up together.

This is the kind of love that has the power to transform our circumstances. It’s the kind of love about which Dr. King observed: “One of the greatest problems of history is that the concepts of love and power are usually contrasted as polar opposites. Love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.”

This just love is at the root of all the world’s major religions as a call to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Christianity urges us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Islam teaches not to withhold from the neighbor what you need for yourself. Judaism encourages love of stranger because Jews were once strangers in a strange land. The Sikh tradition says don’t do anything to break anyone’s heart.

Imbedded in these teachings is a mutually beneficial web of connection, well-being and love that starts with loving the self. As Mungi Ngomane—Bishop Tutu’s grand-daughter writes, “Kindness is something we might try to show more of but ubuntu goes much deeper. It recognizes the inner worth of every human being—starting with yourself.”

Loving yourself can be difficult when our national story is fraught with violence and oppression which have wormed their way inside all our stories, impacting our ability to love ourselves and each other. To create a more loving and just society, we’re going to have to dig deep into our stories, sift through the good, the bad and the ugly, and learn from the moments in which love won the day.

It takes courage to revisit our stories; there can be cringe-worthy moments but also experiences that affirm the best of ourselves and our capacity for love of self and others. Accepting both, forgiving ourselves, building on the good—this is our ubuntu journey toward just love.

At Robben Island, the South African jail where Nelson Mandela was jailed in a tiny cell for 18 of the 27 years he was imprisoned, he discovered his inextricable connection to the humanity of his captors. Mandela wrote, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

Ubuntu and just love are not weak; love is the strongest force on the planet. Dr. James F. Loder defined love as a non-possessive delight in the particularity of the other. Love delights in the particularity of each individual, even in our own!

No human has an entirely love-filled story. If the environment in which we live is filled with violence, danger, unfulfilled needs, poverty, oppression, bias, fear, anger, racism, sexism, homophobia—our spirituality and our health are impinged. Unable to fully love ourselves, we won’t fully love our neighbors. That’s why we must create a just society, in which justice corrects everything that stands against love.

We must create safe and brave environments in which love can grow, spaces of empathy, imagination, and play. We must live as though our choices—where we shop, where we live, what media we consume—affect those around us, because they do. We must live our lives as though it matters that each of us has enough, and when we do, our shared environment will foster more love.

How do we learn to love ourselves more so we can love our neighbor more fully? Reflecting on our stories with a friend can help. Make a date; go for a walk, make a zoom/facetime connection. Mourn the hurts, celebrating the resilience. I’m also a fan of therapy and counseling. Twelve-step programs, grief support groups, spiritual direction and coaching are other helping sources for organizing our life stories toward love. Remember what the Buddha said, “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

How do we love our neighbors more? We treat them as though they are kin. We treat them as though they are worthy of dignity and belonging. Why? Because we are worthy of such goodness, and so are they.